I’ve been feeling useless, I still sleep too much and don’t help Tammy enough, I’ve been trying to change that, but I just feel like one more person she has to care for.

I wonder if she will leave me because I am just another lump of flesh lazy good for nothing man. I wish I were more energetic, caffeine doesn’t really seem to give me any more energy. I hope I can maybe make some money with my book, that way I can contribute financially at least since things are usually financially tight around here, but that seems unlikely, I will remain a nobody artist. I do feel like I should try and get a job, but my wife doesn’t think it’s necessary. I feel it might help with my self-worth too, even though in the past I didn’t really like the kinda minimum wage jobs I could get, though that might be different now since I won’t just be paying my way for myself. I have been feeling suicidal some nights, I haven’t told anyone yet, I confess it to you my blog for the first time.

I wish I didn’t hate cleaning so much, I could clean up the place a bit. In fact, I am gonna go and empty the bathroom trash now.