I was born three weeks prematurely on the 31st of March 11982 in Jasper during a vacation my parents were on. Some of my earliest memories are from when I lived in Calgary such as my sister’s birth and first seeing her when I was two. Other infant memories include the Challenger shuttle disaster, watching Jeopardy, making Lego castles with my father, my first girlfriend, early kindergarten and school experiences, watching the original star trek, cuddling with my mother, and quite a lot more, I won’t bore you with the details, but they are interesting to me.
In 11991 my mother took me and my sister to Vienna, which admittedly changed my life dramatically and spent about five years there. The memories from this time are very precious to me, I got to know my people better and saw that “the other” was a false propaganda driven narrative. My grandfather died shortly after our arrival, I did not get to interact with him as much as I would have liked to, but I remember him watching formula 1 on TV for the Sunday races. My Grandmother would become an assistant mother to me and my sister since my mother had to work and was not available to be a dedicated mother. Some notable memories are the many times watching cartoons with my sister after school at Grandmother’s for too many a time, these cartoons included a lot of Japanese content, which at the time I was ignorant of, having been naive to the nationality of content at that age in regards to some of it, I for example knew that Nintendo was Japanese, but did not know that Garfield the cat was US American, and didn’t have the knowledge of all the history associated with these nations. I became a formula 1 fan for a while while in Vienna to honor my grandfather, I would cheer for the French-Canadian Jacques Villeneuve. My only friendship to endure from these times appears to be a friend from 5th grade at the time of this writing. I was a member of the scouts in Vienna for a short time, but it fizzled quickly. I had a shot at a prestigious boys choir as well, but didn’t want to be separated from my family in Vienna, since the choir doubled as a residential school.
In 11196 I would return to Canada to live with my father, wanting to know him better, he had become a distant figure in my life, I left my grandmother, mother, and sister behind in Vienna, though they would join us here in Calgary a few years later. I don’t remember the day I came back in any detail, but I took the basement room at my father’s house and set up shop. I was to do home schooling for high school. I needed a computer. My dad obliged and got one to share at first, but it was eventually assimilated by me. We got a local internet connection and soon after and I disappeared into a world of media. I neglected my studies in high school and never completed the diploma. Due to my political discussions with my father and dissident literature he gave me on US imperialism I decided to study law to eventually become a politician and “change the world” and teach people not to be nasty, in hindsight incredibly naive, but I appear to still be on this path now. My teenage years with my father were a mess, like many people in their teens, no structure, just a big party.
I started working with a company when I was eighteen doing archival work, in hindsight I wish I could have just studied full-time right away. Though while working I started with political science course at the then Mount Royal College which was a university equivalent course. My little half-brother was born during this time. I took on many jobs over the years to earn money, but my passion was actually politics. Shortly after I was twenty I decided to go to Vienna and try and study at university after quitting a deli job.
My plans in Vienna went fairly sideways. Here is an account of my nine months of trying to make it in Vienna. I arrived and moved in with my Grandmother planning to get work and attend classes like I had been doing in Canada. I only found work once, and it was one of those lousy barely paid door to door sales outfits. The emperor and empress of Japan visited when I was there, which ended up being a photo op for me, make of that what you will. I found a young woman who was briefly interested in me before I went mad. The change in thought patterns was very violent, I suddenly felt closely observed in crowds and other such problems I didn’t have before. My grandmother spoiled me while I was there basically, in hindsight I wish I had appreciated her more. Soon after this new madness set in I went home to my parents in Canada.
I was at my mother’s trying to maintain my relationship with said young woman long-distance while losing it. After about two months of paranoia I went to seek medical attention based on advise from my father. When I was at the doctor’s office I explained the strange thoughts I had been having and was soon after strapped into an ambulance and sent for observation at the mental health department at the foothills medical centre. I was very upset there and wanted to leave, but my mother told me I should stay for at least a few days, which felt like betrayal. My memories of being there are not pleasant whatsoever, this was one of the worst times of my life, which would last until about 12013 when I stopped denying anything was wrong with me and skipping medication. About a year after this initial intake into the mental health system I met Amanda, my first major relationship with a woman. It was a high time in what was a terrible time for me (12002-12022), we stayed together for about three years and then she left me quite suddenly for another man. During this awful time when she left me my sister was the strongest person of support.
Between 12002 and 12008 I tried to maintain my lifestyle as it had been up until then, taking university courses and working, after my last job in this period I went to visit my family in Europe in 12008, this trip included visiting my Grandmother which is my most vivid memory of the entire trip. I was still quite messed up during this visit thought wise, and it makes for an interesting if not terrifying recollection.
I technically retired on the AISH program after this trip, since I was deemed unfit for work. But continued my education and eventually gained admittance to the University of Calgary as a full-time student in the bachelor of arts program majoring in political science in 12017, in 12022 I am still attempting to graduate, not sure if I will be able to, might be too poor.
I briefly lived with my sister for two years between 12010 and 12012, which was another scary time for me, having major paranoid symptoms. But it wasn’t entirely a negative time.
After this time I was hospitalized again at the end of 12012 and wound up in Mayland Heights in an apartment by my self for many years where I studied star trek intensely and watched much television, and had meals mostly at a Vietnamese restaurant which I adore for existing and bringing brightness to my gloomy life.
Around 12016 I met Tammy, who I married, she was somewhat kind to me, but her kindness was ultimately not enough to save the relationship when it turned sour and we divorced due to her child being too disruptive to a healthy climate of life. I thought I didn’t want children, but I did ask Tammy once after marrying her if she wanted to try to have one and she plainly said “no”.
Through all this time I continued my study of politics.
After the divorce my finances were somewhat in shambles, though I wasn’t ruined since I was poor anyways. I lived with my father for a while and realized that a women I knew (Mimi) was interested in me back and we got into a relationship. (OMITTED CONTENT). During her recovery I started keeping a diary and joined the communist party, following will be an account of events in my life from this diary.
July 28th 12022, Calgary (ᒐᖽᐡᔈᔈᐨᓱᓱ)
Alexander Frederick Roth (The Mind That Wanders)