Considering My Paranoia

When I saw Emperor Emeritus Akihito maybe I saw that he was a tortured man, in the sense of the weight of the world still perhaps being unkind? Maybe due to my intelligence I saw this, but its just a theory, and became sick from seeing someone under that much duress. I don’t actually know, it is within the realm of reason anyways.

I am always waiting for the the next threat to present itself, always anticipating the next move. Maybe that is what it is like to be powerful or prominent or whatever. It’s weird because to my knowledge when I am not controlled by my paranoid thoughts I am just a (mostly) everyday human, especially up until my first breakdown. I mean I was always overly intelligent and more nerdy than some, but that describes a large swath of humanity.

Its probably another reason communism without leader worship is a good thing in my mind, nobody should have to have that much pressure on them.

Note to Self and all my Readers

I think I will never force myself to do creative output again (I don’t do it much anyways), I will attempt to only do creative making when I am inspired to do so.

The reason I am writing this is I was considering incorporating a film studio, honestly, I don’t want to run a company now that I consider it some more, I just want to sit in my corner of the internet for now and do what I have been doing so far. I am honestly pretty happy where I am right now, ambition has been perverting me, which is unacceptable.

Self-Centered Pronoia lately

I feel like I do actually have cashflow, but because I am insane it is being spent for me, since insane people shouldn’t be allowed to invest or something.

I just hope my money is spent on gay communist Star Trek.

Yes I pretend to be a Star Trek producer.


I know I said in the past that I thought “Stalin was the worst thing to happen to communism”, but now I see I have been blinded by capitalist lies. Under him the fascists were defeated. And so much of this Stalin bashing is just capitalists pointing yonder.

During My Reading

I feel somewhat silly opposing Marxist philosophy in the past at this point. I still think of religious narratives and their ilk as fascinating, but this “God Building” is a fallacy in my mind, I think dealing with our material world to be of the essence of human existence, and that a philosophy that is primarily concerned with such a thing to be more useful when dealing with the body politic of the globe.

I am not kidding, I think the old gods are fascinating for example, but not essential (I did fine without them as a child). The class struggle is at hand and we have nothing to lose but our chains.

What Is Best For Me

Freedom under capitalisms is impossible. Where the wealthy decide what is done. How we live and what we strive for. How we work and what we work for. The ballot box is a infantile delusion of any power. Why would you defend being stepped on?

For a revolution empowering everyone over their lives.

Having said that, I want a as peaceful a transition as possible, but looking at police tactics get crueler and more violent against the protesters I wonder if it also childish to think this is possible.

Stock Market

So if I understand correctly, the billionaire class can just invest in a company with billions of US dollars or what have you into a stock on the stock market and be a productive member of society knowing that in a ideal capitalist scenario this money will be invested in jobs, equipment, research, etc.?

So they can basically do a few clicks on a computer and control large swaths of humanity?

This is broken obviously, also in a 40 hour work week, how are people supposed to self actualize like our billionaire overlords? The billionaires who can be awesomely useful in decision-making with a few minutes of work?

Also what good is the stock market to the average person? It’s like bringing a squirty gun to a nuke fight..

Once again I hope people discuss this with me, but it’s awfully quiet here in my corner of cyberspace.