Water

Where is all this clean water coming from? I feel like something bad is coming.

I wish I had a superior view of water infrastructure using a video game, because it needs to be explained.

Holocaust Denial

Ok, now I am just denying everything, I know it’s a societal faux-pas of the nth degree to deny the Holocaust. But how can people be so fucking cruel. It’s not just the Holocaust, I can’t even believe war exists and machines of war.

Maybe people turn into zombies when they don’t get fed. I am not trying to be smug, but I wouldn’t know what that is like.

Nukes

Why do I keep thinking nukes are fake and a bluff?

Gah.

I needed those to commit civilizational seppuku.

I’m taking all you fuckers with me.

Pilot Envy

Ok being a jet fighter pilot would be so awesome. I love watching stunts and maneuvers on YouTube.

I made some wrong career decisions when I was young.

I love just flying in passenger jets, the take-off is so fun.

If there is an afterlife where I can do whatever I want, I will definitely fly a jet fighter. The g-forces man, the g-forces!

Wait a second, whatever I want? Ok, that actually makes things too complicated, where to begin?

I Am Jealous Of The Religious

Seriously, it would be nice to know for sure that there is a meaning to all of this and that life doesn’t just end after a short time.

I wish I could experience that, it’s like I am a mutant. I will continue to pray anyways hoping for revelation.

More About Mind Control

MKUltra is always in the back of my head, when I was a slave to my paranoia I often fancied that I went on missions under control of intelligence agencies.

Like I said, it is still in the back of my head a lot. It’s not totally unreasonable to think that this kind of technology does exist, after all research on mind control has been done since the 1950s to my knowledge.

It once again made me feel relevant and important, now I am just a nut.

Being just a nut sucks.

The Creative Juices

This stupid medication, I am feeling a lot less creative on them. I used to enjoy writing and doing photography but now I just never think of anything to do, the motivation is gone.

I’ve turned into a media hermit, just watching shows and movies and reading most of the time.

I wonder if other people with schizophrenia feel like this on their meds, the paranoia helped bring a sense of importance to my work and so the show had to go on.

Now I am just critical of my works, they don’t bring me as much joy as they did when I was skipping pills.

I want my life to have meaning and I am finding less of it as time goes on.

I think religion is a sign that there is mass psychosis rampant in the populace, their insane minds giving meaning to their lives as they toil endlessly for gods that do not show themselves or exist at all.

The world wouldn’t work if we were all treated for psychosis though. Humanity would sleep it’s existence away like me.

My New Keyboard

Playing the keyboard is helping calm down my thoughts, I can’t really play anything yet, but I can still play some spontaneous compositions that are nice to my ear.

I wish I had found out about this before. But as the title says, it’s new.

I like that I can doodle with it so easily, that would be more difficult with a different instrument I feel.

Thanks Dad.